do what you love

So lately i've been missing dance alot and mourning the fact that i stopped when i got to high school. True i started when i was 10 or so and was never great but it was always fun. Well i've taken classes on and off through out hs and college for pe credits but it's not quite the same. the part i really miss most about it are the parts leading up to the show. the run through the tech the costumes... and since there is no way i would have been able to be a dancer anyway even if i had stuck with it, i would have had to let all that go at some point. I still miss it though. But if i love dance i am going to find ways to keep it in my life even though my world gets exponentially busier every year, if i love something then i'm not gonna give up on it. If it comes down to me just dancing in my room then so be it. and yeah there are things like concerts and parties around campus that i can go dance at. but that is not the same at all. I mean thats not the dancing i'm talking about. Idk i just hope i will make time for it in the future. I know i will because now i know the regret of leaving it behind.

Love, Peace, Harmony

you know what sucks...

1) not posting something because you're afraid that someone will read it and take offense. I don't mean like some stranger but a friend. though i don't know why i would be scared she doesn't read this. Anyway i decided that i am fed up and i have to say something to get it off my chest, getting it off my mind would be nice too but that won't happen cuz there is like a constant reminder there.
2) having the fact that i don't and have never had a boyfriend pushed in my face almost 24/7 because i am too meek to say no. but i feel cornered every time she asks "do you mind" kinda yeah i already told you it was too much...
3) It kinda makes me gag, how they cant be apart like ever...
4) makes me wonder if i'll ever be that comfortable with someone else
ok so these numbers aren't making sense anymore with the original question but who cares.
Also why the hell does he have to be here if he is bored or sick? I don't need to get sick, i don't have the time or the energy to be sick. Unlike some people *cough cough* and he complains about EVERY little thing and of course she jumps to help him. I mean its like well dude suck it up. when I'm sick, which is rare, I still do what i have to, work, class, homework, etc, I don't take the day off and sleep even if thats what i want because there is too much that i have to do.
it is just really annoying and kinda sickening seeing them all cuddly all the time. I think the funniest thing is that she told me back at the beginging of the year that she doesn't like the PDA thing. Well i think that you need to look up the definition of PDA. Also they are planning to move into a single next year. i roll my eyes at the thought.
I was gonna say something else but i don't remember... oh well

Peace, Love, Harmony

I <3 music

OMG sooo exciting. this morning i woke up with music in my head and not like something i have in my music collection, but like something new, something not written yet! Exciting right? So of course when i realized that it starts to slip away and i am only able to grasp something like "its the things we do" and i knew there had been a line about the world needing peace. but instead of being completely bummed I just said to myself, maybe it will come back to me. If it does i will try to focus on the melody and get that in my head so i can pick it out on the piano or something. Of course i don;t really know how to play anything so i am kinda screwed for a while. Some of the lyrics, or jist of them did start coming back so i hope the rest of it does. The most exciting thing about this is that maybe i can write my own music. I mean i don't really know all the technicalities of music or music theory but neither did the beatles and look at them. not like i'm saying i want to be the next beatles or anything but still... I just love music so much that if i can make some myself i would be so happy i don't care if i get recorded or sold or anything like that I just want to do it for me.

Love, Peace, Harmony

I forgot to post this. It's a quote from Australia (I like Hugh Jackman alot better with the beard)
"Dont got love in your heart you got nothing. No Dreaming. No Story. Nothing."

Peace, Love, Harmony

WOW

I just finished watching the movie Australia and it is amazing. I don't think I've cried that much at a movie in a long time. That's partly because I don't let other people see me cry. Not even my family. So when watching Milk in a crowded burrow of course I held back the tears. Even watching The Secret Life of Bees with just my family I wouldn't let myself cry. Its not like I am ashamed of feeling and crying, it is one part of myself that I love I still cry at Rent even though I've seen the movie like 60000000000000 times. I don't know why I don't like people to see me cry. Sometimes I say its because I don't want anyone asking why. That is so annoying you know sometimes you just want to cry. Sometimes you just need to cry. Does it really matter why? If I was so upset I needed to tell you I would believe me. Of course it could be something else in me not letting me cry. At least I can and I am not like Cameron Diaz's character in the Holiday. Anywho the point to this is basically even though the past few days have been really good days, it still felt really good to have a crying purge. I feel very refreshed. I feel hopeful and ready to go on my walk around so I can get to my happy ending. I guess I am on my walk around now. Learning, a rite of passage, sort of.
the kinda sad thing is... my list of movies i want just went up 2 and the ones i want to buy next month went from 3 to 4. I'm glad i didn't go to target then, cuz i bet i would have bought one there and i really don't have the money for it.

Peace, Love, Harmony

I wish it was raining cuz i'm so happy!

So last night my life was made just a little less stressful by completing housing for next year and by finishing one of my papers (still have 3 big and 2 little left).
I will be living in apartments next year and I am so excited about it. I've been constantly looking at the floor plans for the past few days. I can't wait to have my own room again and my own bath. Also this building has elevators and probably the most exciting thing is ... Drum roll..... "Brrrrrrrr" it is being built NOW! which means me and my new roomie will be the first to live there!!!! So excited!

whoops

PEACE
LOVE
HARMONY!!!
TIMES A BIZILLION

Life is not easy

So sometimes life is harder than other times. Like now for me. I know that it could be a lot worse than it is and it is not that it is horrible, just really busy. And crowded *cough cough*
Well I am trying this new philosophy where I look for the good things in a day. I know a day is really bad when i can't find a good thing or only one good thing. Well today I have a big good thing to be excited about!! So I found out that a sort-of famous singer is following my twitter account!! I don't really know what that means but see i have this silly dream that maybe people will take note of what I'm saying and either apply it or just think about it. That's all I really ask: for you to think about what I say. Maybe it makes sense or maybe it is a bunch of nothing.
And like I said before: if we don't have our dreams we don't have anything.

On the topic of love

Ok Coke has this new music campaign coming out "Open Happiness" and if you haven't heard the song you should because it is really good and uplifting. Anywho there is this line in the 2nd verse that goes "I woke up feeling lovely/happiness overflowing/knowing somebody love me" well I think that that is very important to remember. And really if somebosy loves you that's great and I know that my family loves me, but for me the best feeling is waking up knowing that I love me. And even though there are like 1000000000 things that I am frustrated with with myself, well probably not that many, but you know what I mean. and when I started to think about them I realized that most of them were physical imperfections and then I realized that physical isn't me. I mean it is because that is how I am presented to people but the physical can, and will change. Personalitly wise I love who I am. And I think that that is one of the best feelings. That and 1) waking up with a good song stuck in your head 2) A good band realeases a new album! and 3) discovering a new, good band (I don't think that anything can top that feeling).

Love, Peace, Harmony

Losing my memory

So there is this amazing song by this guy Ryan Star and this song popped into my head today for the silliest reason. I was sitting in class and the professor was going over some business stuff. well I wrote the date at the top of my notes: Thursday March 24 2009. Well them the prof had to ask why we were all so subdued today. Some kid mumbled something about thursday and the teach was like "Its not thursday" and silly me was about to say yeah it is and then I realized the it really wasn't. I was crushed.
Anywho beside my crossed out thursday i wrote "I'm losing my mind" and that sparked this song called "Losing your memory"
so anyway I really like the first verse and the bridge.
the bridge goes like this:
Wake up its time little girl wake up
all the best of what we've done is yet to come
wake up its time little girl wake up
just remeber who I am in the morning
your losing your memory now
your losing your memory now ......

you really have to hear it but whatev.

Peace, Love, Harmony with every step, thought, and breath..

Rain

Today is one of those days where it looks like rain and it smells like rain and it is sticky like rain, but so far not a drop has fallen. I love rainy days. I don't understand why most people don't. I mean I get that it is not fun to sit in wet clothes all day but still... it is just water...
One day last semester I think, it was pouring down rain and I was in my dance class. While watching all the other people flee to their cars and dorms I decided to take a leisurely stroll through the downpour and dance a little, barefoot and carefree. Sure I got soaked but who cares? It was purifying. Whenever its rainy I like to, as always, turn to music. I have a full playlist on my itunes for days like these. So if rain gets you down I suggest you listen to these songs and sorry but I am not gonna take the time to find them on line cause I am lazy and no one reads this so who cares. Anywho here they are:
Rain by the Beatles
It's raining in Baltimore- Counting Crows
Let it Rain-Ok Go
I Have Friends in Holy Spaces-Panic at the Disco
It's Raining Men-the Weather Girls
Rainy Day-Plain White T's
I Wish it Would Rain-the Temptations

Someday I will add: Singing in the rain and some others but don't have that or other rain songs on my itunes yet.

So as always: Peace, Love, Harmony

I was just thinking... (and yes this is me procrastinating yet again) about my rings. See I have two rings that are really important to me. One is my class ring from HS which, though high school sucked! (because it is never anything like the movies) It is still really important to me because it represents me and my parents paid alot for it.
The other ring I bought when I was in Dublin from this little vendor man on the street. I found it on the last day and it was the one thing that I wanted for myself. I sometimes like to think that it is like a promise ring between me and Ireland that I will go back there one day. I will go back one day.
Well last year when I went to college, my fingers shrank, as strange as that sounds so the rings became too big for my fingers : (
I almost lost the Ireland ring twice and I was flipping out something major.
Well after the second time I decided that it was too risky for me to wear them on my hand anymore so now they are on an old chain around my neck.
I don't know what I'd do if I really lost them but I check like eighty times a day to make sure that they are still there. I'll probably wear them the rest of my life. Its amazing how much we can get attached to material things like that. I am attached to a lot more than those two rings but still. Sometimes I think that it is kinda silly, but then if it helps me remember things then I don't care.

Peace Love Harmony

sick :(

for like the first time this year i am sick. I hate it to because it is not like the good kind of sick where i get to relax and lay in bed and watch a lot of movies. No this is the sick where I still have to get up at 7:30 everyday, go to work and/or class and write papers and take tests and read my regular homework. Y-i-p-p-i-e.

It's probably been a long time coming to so it most likely wont be easy either, not to mention I am stressed out. Why this week? why?

Sleep would be nice but unrealistic with everything I have to do. Ok so positive thought.... hmm this is hard today but I will come up with one oh I know I get to order this magazine that I am really excited about tomorrow if not today and tickets for RENT go on sale and I get to see that once finals are over and I am back home! See there is always something good and I am trying to remember that more and more everyday. "Always look on the Bright Side of Life" as Monty Python says. Did you know that Eric Idle had to sing that at Graham Chapman's funeral. Anyway its like in the lyrics "if life is jolly rotten then there's something you've forgotten and thats to laugh and smile and dance and sing"

SO Laugh, Smile, Dance, Sing and don't leave out the Peace, Love, Harmony either!

not much

I feel obligated to post something today. That and this is a great way to procrastinate. So I am in the midst of writing 2 papers, 5 pages each and right now they are kicking my ass pretty good right now.
*Sigh* only five-ish more weeks until finals! I know that sounds kind of crazy but finals are so spread out for me that it will be relaxing after writing 4 research papers, one annotated bib, one more midterm, an ID test, a biographical sketch, a recording review (whatever that is) and dealing with housing and planing my schedule for next year. (Next fall is gonna kick my ass too)
Oh well
I'll get through this someway and then I'll have just 3 1/2 years left of school! and 2 degrees to show for it.

Until then,
Peace, Love, Harmony

I'm NOT a Hypocrite but...

One of my favorite tv shows is M*A*S*H. and yes it is somewhat about the korean "police action" and I know what your thinking: I went on a huge tirade earlier this morning about how idiotic and completely irrational war is. Well the thing I like about MASH is that I consider it a show about humaity because when it comes right down to it that the characters do really desent things and it always makes me think about the cost of war and how we can really help each other out. And how much we really need each other. And then there are the laughs and the pranks that people pull on each other.
anywho really boring I know but check it out if you ever have time. and no I have never seen the movie, just the tv show.

Peace, Love, Harmony

You Idiots!

So I was reading the Aeneid the other day and you know the last last books are all about the war between Aeneas and Latvinia's suitor? Well like 10 pages from the end the tale the suitor is all like "I must end this man to man with Aeneas!" and I was like why couldn't you have done that at the beginning? Why did all these people have to die in place of a duel? Idiots. And then Juno, the god who instigated all this is just like "I give up" and I was like Don't you care that you sent hundreds of men to their death? To make a long story even longer: it made me reaffirm what what I figured out a few years:

War is stupid.

I mean c'mon people the reason we ever really go to war is because some idiot, or more than one idiot, is trying to force their beliefs onto someone else. So I will once again preace tollerance. Don't get me wrong, I have great admiration for someone who will fight for what they believe in but the bottom line is They Shouldn't Have To. I pray everyday for peace in the world instead of this incesant fighting. I mean think about it; the US hasn't not been in a war since WW1 which was supposed to be the war to end all wars! Ha! I think that there have been like 20 "the greatest war"s in history. I don't know what to think anymore except to keep protesting that we answer violence with violence. Whatever happened to "Two wrongs don't make a right?"

On another note, just as sad though: Natasha Richardson! Tragedy. RIP. I can't beleive it happend again. First Heath Ledger, then Bernie Mac and now...

Just keep giving Peace, Love, Harmony out to the world.

Soul Food

-HUG!-
So I have learned that nothing is better than a hug to cheer anyone up. Unless of course they are germophobic or people-phobic etc.
For me hugs are like the best thing ever. As said on Pushing Daisies: hugs are like and "emotional Heimlich"
So if you need cheering up or see someone who does I suggest a hug! The chocolate ones don't hurt either : )

Peace, Love, Harmony

Scream it out baby, scream it!

so really unimportant but yesterday I felt really loved for one simple reason: My friends felt the need to scream my name across campus! Well two of them did. But after the second time it happened I just remember walking away thinking "Aww they yelled at me!"
I know you're probably thinking what a pathetic little loser I am. In response I will say 2 things.

1) I am not a loser. I am a Nerd and very proud of that fact.
2) How many times a day do your friends feel the need to call out your name across campus? Or How many times a day do people yell at you from across the campus?
Think about it. That's so totally one of the reasons I love this school and it's very liberal, loving, accepting atmosphere.

Peace out yall!
Peace, Love, Harmony

Money, Money, Money

So I've been thinking lately about money and how I don't have it and how people are panicking so much about this recession we're in now and how awful things got during the 30's and all. Isn't it so sad how much we all depend on money? Just think that we wouldn't have any problems like this if we didn't need money so much. The Spartans weren't even allowed to have money. I mean if we didn't have to pay for things then sure no one would get money as a salary but no one would need it. I don't really know how that would actually work but I'm almost positive that it can be done since it was in ancient times. Those people did fine bartering for things. Why couldn't we try the same thing again. Produce what you need and what you can't make yourself trade with someone who can. That way the world would be more personal and friendlier.
I don't know. I doubt that anyone would want to get rid of money, oh well it is nice to dream. And you should because without dreams there is nothing to look forward to, no excitement, I think.
Peace, Love, Harmony

Clovers!!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!
I love this day because I love the Irish culture and the Irish Isle and the Irish people and everything Irish.

Peace, Love, Harmony!

two points

Hey y'all! I can't believe that I have time to post 2x today!!
Anywho I had a few thoughts that I thought I might like to type out for anyone.
Like I said in my last post, I woke up today thinking about a certain person, a member of one of my bands, and just pondered a little about how I believe he's making the world a little shinier. (Also with the song Goodbye Yellow Brick road in my head) Well this person, Brendon of PATD, seems to always be working on something musical, like guesting on other albums or this Coke thing, and it is very reassuring to know that when panic breaks up (don't hate me for saying this its NOT happening now and hopefully wont for years, but they can't be together forever, sad I know) at least the music will still be there driving him onward, his, theirs, forever. That was very comforting to me. Comforting to know the music won't stop.
Also I read up on and pay attention to a handful of famies -famous people- who are just a little older than me and following their dreams by being musicians or dancers etc. I, however am stuck here in college tearing my hair out over grades and clubs and classes and papers and tests and readings and housing and classes for next year and my upcoming internship and money and work and requirements for my major and my minor and professors when I would so much rather be out there living and traveling and doing something that I love like the famies. Not fair right. I mean I am certainly not as tallented as they are and school isn't all bad. I guess that some of us just have to pay more dues than others, which how could that really be tallied? Anywho, sometimes I think: why can't that be me? why can't I be performing, recording, photo shooting, etc. and then I realize that for what I want to do and what my place is in the world, I need to be here and I need to know these people that I know and am meeting and even though it sucks at times, in the long run I hope it will be worth it.
I'll tell you what it'd better be goddamn worth it or I will run away to europe somewhere and change my name and everything and never pay off my student loans. I'll survive by marrying some wealthy man or something like that....or I'll just revert to a life of crime or become a real-life superhero.
Peace, Love, Harmony!

Heros

Hey there phantoms! Today my topic is heros obviously. There are a whole bunch of people out there who I really looks up to. Most are musicians, because I love the music they play and I never will have half the talent that they do in their pinky finger. I also admire those people who are who they are and don't hide behind all the walls that we usually do. I certainly hide somewhat. Not so much on here but in my day to day life. I am trying to remind myself that I don't have to hide and letting myself come out little by little. And it is hard. In this society, and exspecially in this (US) culture to be truly yourself is a scary thing. But I'm trying.
Anyway back to heros, I was reading another blog today of some one I look up too a lot mainly because of her outlook on life, but it got me thinking that. . . well i don't know really what. but it got me thinking.
Wow this post realy makes no sense and kinda doesn't have a point really but oh well not like you phantoms really care. as i said before it is really just for me! One if the few thing that i do for me actually.
I guess just to connect back to the title (i hate titles btw) but some of my heros are: Julie Andrews, John Lennon, and Stephenie Meyer. Actually i think that those are the big three because of what they do: make the world a better place. that is actually a thought i woke up with in my head this morning. that so-and-so makes this world a better place.
I guess that that is my goal in life to. Probably not on the scale as alot of others do but if i can make another person smile once a day I'll be happy for a while.
I believe there is still hope that we can live peacefully side by side.
Actually, yesterday, i was driving for about 6 hours and after a while I really start to get annoyed at other drivers or the road or the elements etc. but everytime I would curse, or say something, or even thought something mean about someone, or something else, I would take a deep breath and just remind myself of "Peace, Love, and Harmony" because that is what I am working toward in this world.
So I leave you with
A Little More Peace
A Little More Love and
A Little More Harmony
because it is like Queen Latifa's character says in "the Secret Life of Bees" (see it if you haven't or read the book) you have to give love back to the world to git love back. Love the bees and they will love you. Like the Beatles said too "and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make" (everytime i think that i sing it in my head and hear the music to it too)
Have fantastic lives until we meet again!

Whatever Happened....

to the idea of PEACE?
or at least focusing on the positive?
is it just me or does the world seem to be in an everlasting state of turmoil? whatever happened to those wonderful people who advocate peace and love and and and whatever else! I have made this statement before but our generation does NOT know how to protest! Or really to have their voice heard. I am beginning to think more and more that the most important thing that we can do as humans is to say our opinions and to listen to others and really just love every thing and everyone. Maybe I am a "tree hugger" or whatever but I don't care. I am an advocate for a peaceful world and for trying to resolve things in ways other than fights and war. I have faith in the human race still. I believe that we can pull ourselves out of this spiral of destruction and extend our hands out to our brethren and find someone holding their hands out to us. Like those shirts from when we were little with the world and all the people standing on the surface holding hands. Whatever happened to those?
It's like John Lennon said: "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one" and I know that I am not the only one still out there. All of you who believe that peace is still possible and that the world could be and should be a more loving, accepting, trusting place need to rise up and make your voices heard. I'm trying to. It may take decades or even centuries before we're set right again, but it is not out of reach yet.
Take some time and listen to these songs:
Imagine- John Lennon
Mona Lisa-All American Rejects
Someday-Plain White T's
Northern Downpour-Panic at the Disco
Sello Tape-Flight of the Conchords (I'm a nerd I know)
*Sorry for the constant references to songs-but that is pretty much how I live my life, with music playing.

I am so conforming...

so here is my twitter I love it btw. I probably will use it mostly to make music quotes of what i am listening to or what i feel or both. Like a year ago i wouldn't have gotten one because EVERYONE has one and i hate jumping on the bandwagon and all but ... as someone once quoted on their blog:
"To be nobody but yourself-in a world which is doing it's best night and day to make you somebody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting" -e. e. cummings

The same person, and his band also said: "we must reinvent love."
Not much connection maybe but I think that if we take into consideration that if we all just acted like ourselves and stopped trying to make people be someone else and remembered that "what the world needs now is love sweet love" and that "all you need is love" the world would be a much better place. "I can't prove this makes any sense but i sure hope that it does."

"can you hear me?"

Thanks to Black Gold for the title of todays post.
So having a major freak out and it's just PEACHY (sarcasm if you couldn't tell) to quote Black Gold again. . . "I'm having a breakdown. I'm having a breakdown. And all those things I ask in my prayers are falling away now." except instead of "I" it is "you". Well all I ask for in my prayers is some perfect man to love me, to graduate from college, go to grad school and get a good job in a museum where i get to travel (europe!) for a while.
oh yeah i now have twitter too. once i figure out what the link is i'll post it if any of the nonexistent yous out there want to hear more from me...

OMG! Professors are evil. well no not really but how the hell do they expect us to do everything they want? I mean who assigns 70+ pages to read in one night?
So if you haven't listened to Black Gold then OMG google them and listen to their stuff! they are absolutely amaZING!
my favorite song by far is "Plans and Reveries"
"I want more . . . Give me more . . . I want the burn and bliss again"

Sometimes I have to ask myself what the hell am I doing here? and by here i mean college. That's a question i find i still can't answer well except for i want a job later in life. *sigh* c'est la vie

"I knew that we would be alright"

So I love this band: Death Cab for Cutie. (I love alot of bands) and this song has always been one of my favorites from the album and then yesterday I saw this!
How sad and sweet is this video! No joke it almost made me cry.
Luv

"Childhood Living"

Welcome March!
yea! only like 2-3 weeks left of winter! Not that I don't like winter, it's just that it is sooo cold, well for me anyway. I am just ready for sunny days and short sleeves and flowers and an excuse to enjoy nature. Like yesterday it SNOWED! it is MARCH and I don't live in the mountains or the north!
Totally off topic but i LOVE the Rolling Stones. You know sometimes they just got things right. Anywho this is from one of their songs "Wild Horses."
"Faith has been broken. Tears must be cried. Let's do some living after we die. Wild Horses couldn't drag me away. Wild Wild Horses we'll ride them someday!"
This is also played in the movie Camp! Amazing movie. Totally think that it would have been the first High School Musical if it didn't deal with homosexuality and cheating and sex. I mean c'mon Disney, there are other more prominate issues out there... Don't get me wrong, I do like Disney, the old classics like the fairy tales: Beauty and the Beast was always my favorite and the Pixar movies are good to (so totally looking forward to the new Up) but otherwise Disney just isn't the same. As my dear friend likes to say "Disney Chanel is like crack" that is assuming that she knows what crack is like, which she doesn't...