On wednesday i had a very embarrassing moment at the end of class.I'm pretty sure everyone saw which made it even more horrific. See I lost control, I was very stressed and very tired and very sick. So I took thursday off from school and that was that. I feel alot more in control and alot calmer. Well I was thinking about skiping that class today so i could go work on a paper in the library instead, but then I thought, what will everyone think if I don't show up? OMG they'll think I couldn't take it or something worse. I knew that I should go an hold my head up high, but well, I really didn't want to (that class sucks!).
I decided that I would not go, and e-mail my teacher to let her know I was ok and hadn't jumped out a window or something. (When it comes to thinking about suicide methods, my mind always goes to the window-just to be clear I am not thinking of them to kill myself Noooooooo way so don't worry). I also knew that my friends would not think bad things about me and when I told them my reasons for not being there, they would believe me and be glad i was better. As for those other people, really who cares what they think? They don't think so blah!!! If they are curious they can ask me what the hell happened, I don't mind telling them.
This "breakdown" was a hurtle I had to jump, something I had to get through so I can continue and finish up the semester and then the year. It doesn't seem so scary anymore, the work load seems doable and even though I still wish that I could speed time up, just enough so that we all sound like chipmonks when talking, I know I can make it through this semester and to the next. Gosh I only have 3 1/2 left here @ this college. Wow.
Anyway from now on all i have to remember is "be calm, be calm i know you feel like your breaking down..." In the words of a great band-Fun. their song "Be Calm"
So Peace, Love, Harmony and MENTAL HEALTH
