My song/growing older

This morning I was listening to Panic at the Disco stuff (wonder why) and well there is this one song they have that every time I hear it I think that it describes me. It is off their album Pretty. Odd. and is the 3rd song: She's a Handsome Woman. Not like I think that I am a "handsome woman" or what not; it is the lyrics that I love. Especially the beginning.

"Innocence. Sunk the glow and drowned in covers sent for all your absent lovers things. Sheepish wolves looking livid and eating buttons wink just don't put your teeth on me."

I am still shook up about the split. I have accepted it better and I trust them that they know what they are doing. It is still hard to accept but there is also nothing I can do. I still have the music that they made in the past and I will have the music that they will make, even if it is under 2 different names. And I will always have my song, though neither written about me or for me. I feel that it fits me anyway.

Tomorrow I will no longer be a teenager. I have lived for 2 decades and it seems crazy that I am that old but then again I know it is not old at all. I just have always loved being a kid. Not like I can't regress sometimes. Sometimes I think that I have already reached ages way beyond my true age in things that I say or ways that I act or think.

Every year up til this one I have counted down the days until my birthday, well since I could count at least. I always loved screaming the number of days left to my family, or making it go on the screen saver. This year I have been so busy with my job and my internship and a few concerts, that the date snuck up on me. Today is my friend Emily's birthday. She and I have known each other for over 1/2 our lives. Lately, since we've been in college though, we've lost touch. I used to call her every year and now I post on her facebook. And that is sad. Maybe I'll try to call her later. I miss her (sometimes).

My last room mate did not take turning 20 very well in my opinion, but she is the kind of person who wants to have a family by the time she is 25ish. I would rather travel a little and take my time finding the man I want to be with the rest of my life and get settled into a job I enjoy before I get tied down with a family. I've begun to learn that life is precious and that you have to take it as it comes and cherish it. People say that you only live once, and I have no idea if you do or not but this life has been pretty good to me so far and I want to make the most of it.

This year I've been trying to find out who I am as a person and who I want to be and what my values are. I think that I have come along way in doing that and I hope it continues. I know that I like being independent and strong. I know that I cherish all life and I have no right to take it away even if the creature is only an ant. I know that I feel sad at tear-jerker movies and even cry at them. I also know that I only want friends who won't stab me in the back or turn on me because I don't like their friends. I know that I want to keep spreading harmony, peace, and most of all love to the world but I sometimes forget. I know that as long as there is music I will be happy. And I know that "All you need is Love."

So happy birthday to me! 20 years tomorrow. wow.

Love peace Harmony